I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My life is pants optional.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
