i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
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A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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