So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
