Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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