I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
