when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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