I am spending my child support on dildos
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
