conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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