the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
