Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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