I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
