Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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