Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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