u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize