I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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