shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize