i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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