I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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