margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
