my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
