I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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