I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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