hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
