I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
As shirtless as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize