People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Drunk is a universal language darling
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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