420 ftw
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
