Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize