Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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