your parents love me but you hate me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
