my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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