just come out here and I will go home with you...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
