i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
