I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
