i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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