I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
