Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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