thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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