i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
