the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
