You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
