Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i think my cat just said my name.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
