actually, I'm a sock model
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
