Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What changed your mind?
Being sober
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Randomize
