we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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