Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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