Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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