Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
