so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
