just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
