My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
