she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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