You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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