he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
