she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
