I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I love you. Go after that dick
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
