So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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