i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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