You smell like stripper and shame
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
