I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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