I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
