I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
