I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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