Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
