She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
