he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
