He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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