she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
